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Funny Mummy: Mother’s DAY? Try The Year of Mom
by Kathy Buckworth

There is so much emphasis on the second Sunday in May, it’s no wonder most of the time it ends up in disappointment and dissatisfaction. Sort of like cramming a year’s worth of love into Valentine’s Day. But just like the opponents of Valentine’s Day claim that you should be making your feelings known year round instead of just on February 14th, I think we need to start thinking about Moms all year round too. Just think kids: Every day can be Mother’s Day!

But putting that responsibility on the people we mother, or the people whose children we mother, is probably only going to lead to more disappointment and frustration. That’s why this year I plan to Re-Matriate* Mother’s Day and make it myown…and make it last for 365 days.

There’s an old joke about a man who complains that his wife doesn’t do anything all day. One day he comes home to find his normally clean house in complete disarray, the kids are unusually messy, unclothed and unfed, and there’s nothing on or in the oven cooking for dinner. He says “What happened here today?” And she responds with “The nothing I do all day? I didn’t do it today.”

So I say every day of the year we find a little way to not do the things we normally do, and not just on Mother’s Day. Things like:

  • Stop picking up the dirty socks of anyone over the age of six, found mostly under the couch. Just stop. The owner of the socks will eventually run out and have to go looking for them. You can simply point them in the right direction, should their sense of smell not be fully developed. Or, send them to the store to buy some new ones. Not your problem.
  • Refrain from being the person who puts out toilet paper for everyone else to use. Don’t do it. Keep a stash in a bag you take into the bathroom with you every time you go, and see who/if/when the toilet roll gets refilled by anybody else. (Note: Sniff towels periodically – or maybe pay a toddler to do it for you)
  • Stop buying beer for “the house” if you (and your friends) don’t drink beer. Does anyone else in the house take care of your tampon supply? It should be noted that this can be a risky manoeuver, however, as in desperate times (i.e. sports playoffs of any kind) ,your chardonnay stash may begin to mysteriously deplete. Also, check the vanilla.
  • If you are folding anyone else’s clothes, making anyone else’s bed or putting away anyone else’s towels…desist immediately. Don’t most of those people look like they rolled out of an unmade bed and threw on clothes they found on the ground anyway? And those towels? Just remember the toilet paper tip.

We seem to see Mother’s Day as a time to “take off” from doing these domestic duties, when the fact of the matter is, we can reward ourselves by doing a little bit of nothing, every day. Join me, won’t you?

*No, the word rematriate doesn’t exist. But it should. Am I’m taking that on.

Kathy Buckworth loves her Buick Enclave. Especially when it’s toxin (i.e. child) free. Follow Kathy on Twitter @KathyBuckworth. Kathy’s next book, “I Am So The Boss of You” will be released by McClelland & Stewart in Spring, 2013.

"Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay" is now available at bookstores everywhere. Read my blog "BlackBerryDiaries" at www.blackberrydiaries.net

Visit www.kathybuckworth.com for information and upcoming events.





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